To a Long Lost Reader (Re-post)

Every day since that May I think of your voice. I see your smile in my mind, and I feel myself lifting off the ground. I hear your noise.

THE noise. I feel it coming out of myself now on a regular basis. It's still growing, though quietly and, as always, internally.

Tough thought ought not to...Sex education to me means learning how to love myself again.

The way I see it - the more [cum] between you and I, the better. Miles away isn't enough; it's almost like I need miles of dick to separate myself from your kung-fu grip.

Everyone is a you substitution. You know who you are.

Though there are two of you two, everyone is nicer than you, more in shape than you, cooler than you, and more original than you.

So there are these two gods residing in my mind. First the one I hate to love - whose powers of persuasion and nonchalance never cease to amaze and annoy me... the broken-hearted cuckold whose love becomes more apparent and visible to me daily, and whose subsequent usurpage I so easily forget to consider or most of the time even mention, as I kick myself regretfully.

Then the one I love with all my heart - the alien one who lifted the veil of my species and my culture and showed me a brighter, wetter, more juicy and lovely world, how to seek out the others, and how to find my place in the midst of its insane and crumbling tick tock.

It is a fine balance. Like Johnny Cash, I walk the line.

But still my plea remains : Why aren't you here with me now?

Everyone is a you substitution. We all know who we are.

Currently listening : Business as Usual... By Brett Johnson Release date: 01 June, 2004

East Village Hardship Lollipop (Re-post)

One must let go of all those kid fears we hold onto ever-so tightly if one expects to make it here, baby. Every day I am tested and challenged. Unexpectedly, we had no hot water yesterday, so I didn't shower or shave before work because I was cold when I woke up to begin with, and didn't have it in me to take a cold shower after waking up to a cold apartment at 7 a.m.

Today I HAD to shower and shave, so I had to get up almost an hour early, set four huge pots of water on the stove to heat, and moved them all one by one into the tub (I was standing in two of the pots because the shower is pretty small). And much to the shegrin of my amused though sleepy roommate, showered Little House On the Prairie-style, whistling all the while.

It's shit like this that makes me love New York City. There comes a point when one must finally decide that this city is for you... that it's New York or bust, and at that exact moment, you have to let go of all your hang-ups or else you will be eaten by the whispers of self-defeating (though nevertheless powerful) demons lurking in your subconscious underneath all that shit you REALLY expect for yourself but would maybe never admit to the world. Either it will all work out or it won't (and even when it doesn't, it does somehow). The slightest seed of doubt or fear is like a crack in the hull of a submarine. I refuse to let my submarine capsize; the ocean's grace and beauty will never cease to fill my mind with wonder, and my heart with love.


Currently listening : Late Night With Andy Caldwell By Andy Caldwell Release date: 26 July, 2005

Waking Life (Re-post)

Perhaps this is an early warning sign of insanity, and I am indeed as nuts as many would like to convince me? I don't know. Perhaps how I feel is totally natural and progressive? I don't know.

What I DO know, is that I am beginning to feel as if my dreams and daydreams/fantasies are quickly becoming more "real" than waking life. My waking life has taken on this strange liquid dream-like quality where my wishes and what I most need (not on a monetary level rather a karmic or soul level) are there instantly until the precise moment that "thing" is no longer "necessary".

I silently and deeply feel the enlightenment of so many around me, even those who do not know how enlightened they are... I feel myself comforting people with my mind, urging them to have faith in this evolution and to know it's for the best, and to try to get them to see their higher selves and our joined higher purpose... and I feel us all creating this new world whose vibrational frequency increases second by second.

I have believed for years now that the earth and its inhabitants were/are undergoing a massive re-boot that was in the cards from "the beginning", but which has only been in motion for the last few centuries... and when it's all said and done, not only our planet, but our hearts and minds will be forever transformed, and in the end, we will have evolved into the god-like creatures we are supposed to become... what's different about knowing before that the change was indeed currently happening and NOW, is that I am beginning to SEE daily/hourly just truly how much we all create this reality together, and it's the synchronistic and mystical interplay of our desires, fears, and hope/faith that all combine to make, as Goldfrapp says "this crazy life, this crazy world we're living in [is] magical."

PLEASE post remarks/reponses/feelings/thoughts/comments in order to facilitate open discourse.

Currently watching : Irreversible Release date: 05 August, 2003

threat? (Re-post)

When you have to take the subway to work to make a living, and you see people reading their papers and listening to their iPods, and you smell that guy's B.O. so accutely, there is no room for fear and worry.

The news is there to sell something.

The interviews are where we all need to start paying more attention - the people who have faith in their fellow man. The people who know that we will all make it, but only if we stick together. These are the reporters we need to pay more attention to.

I wasn't here for 911, but now I see daily how we as people recover and heal and move on. It's all about letting go and the living life as it happens and you make it in front of you.

So I say we shouldn't be afraid. Bad things happen. We just need to stick together.

Currently listening : Noah's Ark By CocoRosie Release date: 13 September, 2005