One must let go of all those kid fears we hold onto ever-so tightly if one expects to make it here, baby. Every day I am tested and challenged. Unexpectedly, we had no hot water yesterday, so I didn't shower or shave before work because I was cold when I woke up to begin with, and didn't have it in me to take a cold shower after waking up to a cold apartment at 7 a.m.
Today I HAD to shower and shave, so I had to get up almost an hour early, set four huge pots of water on the stove to heat, and moved them all one by one into the tub (I was standing in two of the pots because the shower is pretty small). And much to the shegrin of my amused though sleepy roommate, showered Little House On the Prairie-style, whistling all the while.
It's shit like this that makes me love New York City. There comes a point when one must finally decide that this city is for you... that it's New York or bust, and at that exact moment, you have to let go of all your hang-ups or else you will be eaten by the whispers of self-defeating (though nevertheless powerful) demons lurking in your subconscious underneath all that shit you REALLY expect for yourself but would maybe never admit to the world. Either it will all work out or it won't (and even when it doesn't, it does somehow). The slightest seed of doubt or fear is like a crack in the hull of a submarine. I refuse to let my submarine capsize; the ocean's grace and beauty will never cease to fill my mind with wonder, and my heart with love.
Currently listening : Late Night With Andy Caldwell By Andy Caldwell Release date: 26 July, 2005
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