This city turns people into sluts. Glorified hookers.
You move here and are dickwhipped by the sheer amount of hot people everywhere. They could be in the deli buying avocados or at the cafe getting a really lame drink. The point is, it's hard not to see someone you want to fuck or would at least consider taking them home if you were drunk.
In my experience the first couple months here are a hot and sweaty mess of bedhopping, condoms, and weird "dates." A lot of sex is had, but to what end (IN which end is clear). Other fags I know have the notches in their bed post to match this common lifestyle.
I won't speak of the health risks associated with promiscuous sex (there are many), but I want to dissect the issue a bit.
After a couple months of such "fun", I broke. Single for over a year, I grew weary of the meaningless trysts and romp-and-pomp couplings. And don't get me wrong - I had many one-night stands in Indianapolis AND New York. There have even been two boys here who had my heart, but both somehow managed to shatter my trust or simply make me feel like shit. And though I love falling in love, and love having a boyfriend even more, I refuse to settle for something that feels wrong, or for someone who does't treat me how I know I deserve to be treated.
Why do so many guys here have the attitude of "I can be a dick and a slut and do or say whatever I want, because there will always be someone out there to move on to" ?
Why do so many guys think being a jerk is cute or sexy?
Why do so many guys talk the talk, but when it comes down to it they never do what they say they're going to do?
People here are great at spinning and mincing words. It's so easy to say you like something, or you had a good time, or you've "never felt this way before", but it's a lot harder to show me how much you care about me, or how you are actually listening to half of the stupid shit I talk about or am intereseted in at any given moment.
Now we're gonna get deeper.
I think the New York "blinders" have a large part to do with this - that people are so wrapped up in their own minds and experience that they cannot "take their eyes off the prize." It seems everyone wears these blinders - when they're walking down the street, when they're in line at a bar, when they're shopping for groceries, and especially in the transport system. Practical and cautionary, yes perhaps... but also cold, unreactive, and compassionless.
I believe these blinders affect how people get to know each other too, but in a less obvious way. We self-sabotage, we don't allow ourselves to FEEL for someone. We don't allow ourselves to be loved. We turn off emotions we think might end up hurting us. We fight. We fast. And we yearn.
I say it's high time to make a little more eye contact. Let go of the words, and embrace your fellow man. The blinders are really quite unnecessary if you think about it. We can all walk and chew gum at the same time. This is not unlike that. So stop waiting for the next best thing. Stop looking around the corner. And start fostering the relationships that make you a little scared of yourself. Nurture the feelings you fight away because they make you feel like you're falling out of control. Love yourself, and try to love someone else. Try to let someone else love you.
I love this city, but I refuse to conform to some of its inhabitants ways. I want to fall in love, and I'm ready to be loved again. I'm open to whatever the universe sends my way.
Currently listening :
Vauxhall and I By Morrissey Release date: 22 March, 1994
