Same As It Ever Was (Re-post)

Saturday 1/24/98

I'm better now, but 24 minutes ago, I smelled like a used firecracker, and coins going into a piggybank were the loudest most invading noises I have ever heard in my whole life. Tonight was weird.

Tuesday 1/27/98

Well last night I asked Joy why she told me she loved me. She said "because you're superb." And went on to tell me how she sometimes wants to be with me instead of Luke. I started crying and said "well I'm rather shaken, and I'm going to go to bed now." And she said "Wait a minute. I just don't want to give you up." And I said "You gave me up a long time ago, Joy." And then I said goodnight. And she did too, but said it so quietly as if it was so small it didn't exist.
Last night I also rented Beautiful Thing, and I cried at the 1st scene. Then I stopped. But the last scene when they dance together to "Dream a Little Dream" I started bawling and couldn't stop.
Right now, I am sitting in a room with no windows because I was going to ditch SRT (Homeroom) with Liz and Marissa and Laura and some other girl. I had parked up top in the teachers' lot and we were getting into the car when a dean stopped us. Fuck. So, because we were "good kids", he only took away our travel priveleges during SRT. But for me, because I was the driver, he gave me an in-school suspension, which is bullshit. He also called my dad. I hope I get to go out this weekend.
This lady just said to one of the other boys in here "Dan, don't even think about going to sleep in here now, darlin'." Cunt. She's playing solitaire on her computer. I think I remember seeing it on the screen when I walked in, but more than anything, I recognize the incessant clicking of her fat fingers on the new mouse.
My mom's a solitaire fiend too you know. Fuck this.
My co-conspirator Liz is here with me now. Marissa and Laura just got sent back to their classes. "Dan" just asked for a pair of scissors. Somebody please shoot me.
I'm having flashbacks to 6th and 7th grade when I had detention after detention, and in-school suspension at least once a month.
Oh God. Let me out!
I'm going to stop for now and pretend that I'm a lice on that fat bitch's ass. Oh wait. Now I think I'm going to vomit. The things I get myself into. le sigh. More later I suppose.

Currently listening : Infinite Love Songs By Maximilian Hecker Release date: 21 August, 2001