I was always interested in dreams (lucid, nightmares, etc.) ESP, and ghosts/paranormal activity. I was never baptised, but perhaps the duality of growing up with faith-filled though non-religious parents, and other god-fearing caregivers prepared me for the kind of life and belief system I now live.
On May 13th, 2003 I found myself graduated from college and in Amsterdam on my way to Germany for three months. Amsterdam made my head, mind, and heart spin. That first night in Europe, I felt connected to something I'd never experienced before. It was not the "Oh Europe is so beautiful and amazing" feeling. I had lived in Europe in high school, so that aspect of the trip was lost on me this sophomore time around. What I felt I can only describe as an intense presence... and though invisible, so overwelmingly powerful. It made me euphoric, and at times fearful for my life. I felt pulled, yet comforted.
After museum-ing all day (odd sidenote- Rembrandt's the Lamentation of Christ brought me to tears at the Van Gogh Museum - I felt compelled, and returned to the painting four times), I began walking the streets alone at night, looking for a club I'd heard about. But while lost, I stumbled upon a place where strobe lights and great bumping music pulled me in. Following my intuition, I stayed, as if waiting for something. The music was great, and after dancing for a while and enjoying a drink, found one of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen standing in front of me.
Right when I said that thought in my mind, he started walking towards me smiling as if he was waiting for me and knew what was about to take place. As if he knew that he would be the catalyst for everything that was to follow.
While asking me general questions about myself, he lightly pinched and prodded various parts of my body, and by the end of the coversation, I felt spread open, yet knew nothing of him. He told me I wouldn't believe how old he was, or how to understand his name if he told me.
Two friends of his appeared, but were obviously not as in control of themselves... they tried to get me to go to a basement darkroom with them. Tired from my flight and walking all day, and apprehensive about casual sexual encounters with a stranger (or strangers!?), I told him I would love to see him again, but I was not going to be joining them.
He looked at me and said "It's for the best anyways." Feeling challenged and confused, I asked why. He said "It's going to be too dangerous for you." And he began to look impatient. Feeling my ego challenged once again, I asked "What do you mean by that?"
He looked in my eyes, leaned in close, and made a noise in my ear only for me to hear - but this was no normal sound. It was a chord, and with it, it carried pure energy, and I am to this day not sure if I so much heard it as FELT it. I remember first feeling it above my head, and then as if the feeling washed over and crept down my entire body.He leaned back smirking, knowing what effect he had just had on me. I was so afraid and confused. I felt in the presence of something inhuman; something I could never understand. My first intuition was to ask "What are you??" but my logic stopped me at "What ar---"... because he started to giggle, and it wasn't the first time I felt he had read my mind. Then I asked "What was that?" instead. He replied "You should run now." And I left. His eyes followed me the whole way with a curious smirk on his face...
Since that happened, I have felt increasingly more and more aware... I can read peoples' minds and affect their moods. For the longest time, I felt schizophrenic. So overwelmed, isolated, afraid, detached and scattered, yet so connected to EVERYTHING.
I began to understand complex concepts in the fields of physics, string/chaos theory, and quantum mechanics. Somewhere in my journey I found some books called Galactic Allignment, Redfield's Celestine Prophecy, Talbot's The Holographic Universe, and The Quickening by Stuart Wilde.
In the last 2 years, I've had friends and lovers condemn me for my new awareness, had countless arguments pleading for those I've loved or who've loved me to understand that I don't want to start a cult, or even worship anything (other than enlightenment/consciousness itself). And most recently, I've seen certain friends, coworkers, and family members grow fearful of my gaze, my words, and my physical presence in general.
People have become more and more hesitant to make eye contact with me. More interesting though - just recently, I'm beginning to feel the same noise quietly waiting, and growing inside my throat, and I know it will come out of me as it did him some time sooner than later. It already has, but not strong enough or focused enough to sustain.
The level of denial (of the ascension or the human potential movement) has increased in those around me as well, yet not everyone. I am definitely experiencing first-hand the poloarization of society. Though they don't realize it, many people are becoming more and more aware (thanks to alternative media, internet, iPods, and TIVO), and they are enunciating Human Potential Movement (HPM) ideas... spreading light and not even realizing they are doing it... At the same time, more and more people have synchronistically found their ways into my life and me into theirs, etc.
I know something is unfolding. I feel it and see evidence of it more and more every day that passes. And I feel the need less and less to understand or exert control. My prayer fields/intent/energy are becoming stronger and stronger. I don't completely understand my purpose in the midst of all this, but it's becoming clearer and clearer as time passes, and I am more content than I have felt my whole life, just knowing things are moving forward. I have begun feeling quite powerful with the idea that I am living and doing my mission every day without even thinking about it and without predetermined motive. All it requires is good intent. I feel things speeding up and slowing down at the same time.
If I am sure of one thing (and I was not sure of this right after my strange experience in Amsterdam)- whatever he was, he did what he did to me out of love. I requested in subconsciously on some level. I was ready to be awakened, and knew that I needed it in a dramatic/jarring fashion. Right now, while writing this, it came to me that he was a part of my soul group... and even perhaps a non-corporeal version of my higher self (we did look somewhat alike). Interesting. I knew I felt compelled to write for a reason.
This is a magical and pivotal time in our planet's existence. Let's all take advantage. I'm glad and will continue to be glad to be here and a part of this evolution.
Currently listening : Hail To The Thief By Radiohead Release date: 10 June, 2003
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